Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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