What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
And then my night got REAL pukey
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
