bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
