Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
