One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
