At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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