I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
