I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
