Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
