his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
