i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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