I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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