2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dude i'm inner monologue high
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
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