I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
