dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
