i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
you had me at cake vodka
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You made out with two different species that night
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
