You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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