Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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