my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
They took my balls.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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