Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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