and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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