I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
