fuck your aforementioned shoe
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize