Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i think my mom watched the whole time
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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