that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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