I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
