i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
