I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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