Only a mothe r could love this liver
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
