It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I deserve this hangover.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
