Barsexuality is the new black.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
