You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
