if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
