What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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