non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
