Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
