This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
