Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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