Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize