You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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