Can i not drive my cunt home
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
