life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
