You can't motorboat a personality
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
