You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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