The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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