So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
