the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
