Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
