Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
