remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
