You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
