good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Houston, we have a squirter
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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