Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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