Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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