Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize