I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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