Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
