Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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