But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
