I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize