She's JV to your varsity
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
