remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's official drugs can't kill me
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
