I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
