it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
