I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize