One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
