yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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