He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
