Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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