I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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