do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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