on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
