I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
the liver wants what the liver wants
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
