I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
