My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
