All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
