The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
