Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
