drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
