So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
