This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
