I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
