I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
