i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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