Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
