she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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