you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
