it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
